A Whole New World...Just Kidding

So I'm finishing up my first week as a graduate student, and it's basically a whole new world, people. Yes, feel free to sing along with me. Okay, just kidding. Guess what....being a grad student feels eerily similar to being an undergrad student. There have been no major life changes, no ground-breaking epiphanies, and no moments where I felt like I was on another planet.

All in all though, it's been pretty great. I only had one night class this week (go ahead and hate, all you who have class/responsibilities every day of the week). So what do I do during the rest of my time, you ask? Basically, I've become a stay-at-home mom with no children. I wake up, I drink my coffee, I do my yoga (indoors now, since the weather has hit below freezing; thanks, Texas), and I check my email. Then, I get down to the nitty-gritty: reading. Yes, if you're longing to know just what the life of a grad school student is about, this is it. READING. And lots of it. I usually take a break for lunch and cleaning up around the house, and then I...you guessed it.....get back to reading. I read endless articles from endless journals about marriage and family therapy, and so far, I'm loving it! It feels slightly weird not to be able to speed read through these articles, but I'm really trying to process them and imagine what role this plays in my training as a marriage and family therapist. At night, I make dinner, and I do dishes, and then I close the day by reading. In between, of course, I make time for little breaks, so don't worry, all those who think I'm a workaholic :)

These are my confessions: I haven't left the house since Tuesday, and I barely even go outside to check the mail. I wear countless amounts of sweatpants and old Baylor t-shirts, and I've probably forgotten how to interact with other people. My hair is constantly in a ponytail, and make-up just seems silly at this point. The most exciting thing that happened to me all week occurred today. I'd been waiting anxiously for a textbook to come in, and I thought it wasn't going to arrive til next week. The website said the order was still being processed, and my stress levels were rising, when lo and behold, the book shows up on my doorstep, care of the nice UPS man. I literally danced around my house. God is so great! It really is the little things that count.

I am the proverbial stay-at-home mom. I'm 21 without children, and I keep telling myself that I'm too young for this. I find it rather humorous, actually, but in all seriousness, I think these past three weeks of being cooped up at home have taught me a valuable lesson. And so, I dedicate this blog post to all you stay-at-home moms (and dads) out there. I salute you. You are far braver than I am.

Deep down, I know I needed these past few weeks as a break from the constant energy I had to expend the past few years. I had forgotten what it was like not to be excessively working, studying, and leading organizations. I haven't had a break from work or school in a few years. Vacations are non-existent. It's kinda scary, but it's also kinda nice to be able to breathe. Next week promises to be much busier, with more classes and part-time work, but I have tons of energy stored up :)

Photographs and memories

Today is the first day of classes at Baylor, and I'm not there. It's such a bittersweet feeling. I feel like I should be running into old friends walking around Fountain Mall, and I feel like I should be going to the SUB to print off all my new syllabi, and I feel like I should be with my favorite people that are always in my psychology classes. Instead, I'm sitting in my house, still in my pajamas, and I'm looking through my scrapbook of college memories. Part of me is excited to have moved on past college, and the rest of me is caught in this terrible longing to be back. I expected this feeling, and I almost welcome it. It's a growing pain, and I know it's going to be ok. I'm grateful that I have grad school classes starting next week, and I'm ready to be busy studying! College was only a piece of life, and it was wonderful. There's more to look forward to.

I finished my scrapbook last week, and I have to admit, it fills me with a sense of warmth looking at it. I love looking back to freshman year, the year I fell in love with Baylor and the boy who's now my other (and better) half. I remember sophomore year, the year I learned just how little sleep I could live on and just how many organizations I could possibly join. And I look back to junior year, the year I baked endless amounts of cupcakes and learned how to tailor my passions into a manageable mess that allowed time for sleep. And of course, I remember senior year: stressful, restful, eternal, and all too fleeting. It all flew by so quickly, and I'm so grateful for every single moment, especially the ordinary ones that are lost somewhere in my subconscious mind. For all the moments I remember, and even the ones I don't, I'm so thankful for the photographs and memories.

Outdoor yoga

Warning: this post may contain granola-like thoughts :)

I've been practicing yoga for about two years now, and somehow, the thought had never occurred to me to practice yoga outside until yesterday. Now that I've experienced this little piece of heaven, I'm almost embarassed to admit that it took me so long to get here. I'm an avid nature fan, and I always feel more at peace after spending some time outside, nestled in trees' shadows and ruffled by the wind's fingers. Yoga has been an important part of my life since I first took a class at Baylor, and I've come to rely on it as one of the few pieces of my life that's "just for me." I've come to adore this time of relaxation as sacred and a crucial part of keeping myself centered. I love serving others and helping in any way I can, but who among us doesn't need a little time to themselves?

Outside yoga somehow adds a new dimension to this practice. While often unpredictable, this week's Texas "winter" weather has been in the refreshing 60-degree range. My morning routine now includes a cup of coffee (I don't think I'll ever kick that caffeine habit) and bringing my yoga mat out to the back patio. The poses blend perfectly with cool breezes rippling over my skin and sunbeams piercing through my relaxed eyelids. When I close my eyes, I can even make out these amazing rays of sunlight that play with my imagination. Shapes and beams of light take form, and it all adds to my love of nature and my love of yoga. Add in the New Age Ambient station on Pandora, and I do believe, my friends, it's a small piece of heaven. So, don't just take my word for it. If you're looking for something new to add to your life in 2011, try a little outdoor yoga. Namaste.

Better Days

Happy New Year, everyone! It's so hard to believe it's already 2011! I've said that to a few people over the past week or so, and I've gotten a similar response from several of them: "Thank God 2010 is over!" I feel like "good riddance" is probably a pretty common sentiment to hear at the end of any year, but it seems like I've heard it a lot more now than in the past. Could it be that 2010 was a particularly treacherous year? Possibly. Could it be that people are just exhausted and tired of trying so hard? Possibly. Could it be true that 2011 will be filled with better days? Possibly. No one knows.

"And you asked me what I want this year,
And I try to make this kind and clear.
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days."

As we enter into the next decade, I can't help but think back to the Goo Goo Dolls song "Better Days." This song is on a playlist that always fills me with inspiration when I'm writing or just mulling over some elusive thoughts. I think it's the perfect song to begin a new year. There's just something about this song that fills me with hope, even if I know that halfway through the year, I'll be wondering where all that hopefulness went. I really do think that 2011 will be better, but only if we keep searching for those better days. As a teacher, I tell my kids, "You find what you're looking for. If you look for the good, you'll see it, and if you look for the bad, you'll see that, too."  If you think about it, this song isn't asking for days that are actually better. It's about the chance for better days. If we drag all our baggage from 2010 with us, how can we expect to have better days? It's time to let go of what holds us back, and it's time to give ourselves the chance for better days.