Today, I find myself curious. I'm a big fan of questions. I love asking people about their experiences, thoughts, and beliefs, especially when I have no idea what their answer might entail. I genuinely think that people are fascinating in all their idiosyncrasies, rationalizations, stubbornness, and acts of good will. At the risk of sounding a bit mentally unstable, I love asking questions of myself, too. As a twenty-something, I find myself working towards becoming more self-aware. As I'm whisking through my day-to-day routine or experiencing something unfamiliar, I try to take a few moments to check in with myself. What emotions are being stirred up within me? What are the sensations in my body telling me? What thoughts are roaming around in my head? Am I being present in this moment, enjoying the world around me?
Today, my curiosity is focused on the wonderful phenomenon of compliments. We give, and we receive. Compliments: the concept seems simple. You tell someone something that you admire about them, and they say "thank you." End of the story, right? Wrong. Especially with women, it seems that there's often this intricate dance back and forth between "I compliment you" and "You compliment me back." And what about those of us who find receiving compliments to be a bit awkward? Why is it easier to accept compliments from a stranger than someone I know closely?
This last question has really sparked my curiosity. Generally, I don't receive compliments very well. I know, I know....it's a work in progress. When someone compliments me on my appearance, I'm likely to scrunch up my eyebrows and wrinkle my nose (mostly in a joking way), but I still feel obligated to say "thank you." I am polite to a fault sometimes, but I also try to be guarded against seeming narcissistic. I strive for humility, and while I don't always get there, it's something I value very much. Somewhere along the way, though, I began to equate accepting compliments with being self-centered. What's that about?
Lately, I've begun to question why I respond in this way. Why can't I just smile and say "thank you," without feeling like my stomach is churning butter inside? Why is it so difficult to trust that the person genuinely means what they say? How are humility and self-confidence intertwined together?
I've found that it is easier for me to accept appearance-related compliments from a random stranger than from someone I know personally. In this situation, I can smile, say thank you, and go on with my day. I don't give another thought about what the person will think of me based upon how I respond to a compliment. But when it comes to a compliment from someone I know, I feel uncomfortable. Why the madness, I feel myself wondering.
After giving this some thought, I've realized that within my personal relationships, it is much more important to me that someone values my actions and my behaviors than my appearance. I would rather be seen by those important to me as being intelligent, competent, and self-respecting than simply as someone with a pretty face or great earrings. As I write this, though, I'm struck by the thought that self-respect includes respecting all of one's self: physical appearance, intellectual capability, and emotional being. I'm going to let this thought guide me as I continue to learn how to accept compliments with grace, humility, and joy.
And so, dear friends, if you're still reading this, by now, I'm impressed :) Just consider it all part of the journey of self-awareness. Thanks for joining me on the ride. It's been a fun adventure!
