It's only Wednesday, and already, this week has been filled with a lot of heaviness. On my drive home tonight, I was feeling really pensive, and this song came on the radio. While the exact content doesn't exactly fit what I've been experiencing this week, the sentiment behind "Stay with Me" was enough to bring me to tears. Never mind the heaviness of the week - we can blame it on that soulful voice of Sam Smith that I love so much, and probably the sentiment to saying goodbye to another class of students I've been blessed to teach for a semester.
I find lots of my inspiration for living from music. Naturally, I started thinking about how so many of the songs that have left the biggest impact on my life are ones that express a deep yearning for connection. After all, isn't connection with others what our hearts and souls so unceasingly seek after? Whether we search for love with another human being, intimacy with a God who has created us and knows the depths of our need, or friends who will accept us in all of our beautiful brokenness - we are a people made to seek connection. Biologically, we may be able to survive with only basic needs met. Relationally, we need others to understand us like we need the air we breathe.
I have sat with clients and friends in unspeakable darkness this week. I've been a therapist for two years now, and I cannot remember what my heart felt like before I could feel the depths of this need to simply be in the presence of someone and witness their pain. Each day, I feel like I am infinitely more blessed by my job, and I hope I still feel this way when I've been practicing for forty years. No matter how many times I enter into that hazy darkness, I become aware of stepping into this sacred space of someone's inner world. There is the need to tread lightly - not out of fear, but born of deep respect. As humans who have experienced hurt and disappointment, we manage our vulnerabilities through a veil (sometimes fairly translucent, and sometimes intentionally opaque) that shelters us from others who cannot meet our needs for connection. As a therapist or as a friend, it is such an incredible privilege that leaves me feeling a bit raw and in awe each time someone lets me have a glimpse behind the veil of vulnerability. In every one of these quietly ground-breaking encounters, I find myself wondering afterwards how I have been irrevocably changed and hoping that this other person was able to fill experience true connection and unwavering mercy.
This week, I am reminded of how deeply grateful I am for the gift of compassion and the risks others have taken to share their hearts with me. I am also thankful for the certainty of knowing that I have some amazing friends and family members in my life who have stayed with me during times of heartbreak and confusion and immeasurable sadness. My friends, I hope you know that no matter how great the darkness can be, I will stay with you.
