Have you ever had one of those moments when you realize that you're right where you're meant to be? I had that sudden sensation today at work. You may already know that until I finish grad school, I'm working at a child care center as a teacher. Some days, I come home exhausted and feeling a bit discouraged. I find myself saying, "Kids these days just aren't the same as they used to be when I was a kid..." (Nevermind that I swore to myself before taking the job that I would never say that; I've long since broken that resolution)
Today was a wonderful day, though. Chaotic to be sure, but filled with this pride in my students and a sense of calm in the storm. Through it all - the good days and the not-so-good, I know that I am intensely lucky. I have the incredible honor of watching beautiful children grow up. I've worked at the center for almost two years now. In two years, a lot can happen in a child's life. I've watched children learn how to read, ride a bike, think about others' perspectives, experience their first crush, and calm themselves when they're upset. I never cease to be amazed at what a gift I've been given through this job. I truly think that my children teach me just as much, if not more, than I teach them. They've given me a lot of practice in calming my own anxiety, and they've taught me what it means to love without fear. One of my favorite things to hear is, "Ms. Alex, you're my best friend." I've decided that means so much more to me coming from a six year old than someone my age. You see, a six year old doesn't have a hidden motivation for telling you that, and they often don't know what to expect from a best friend. All they know is that they have a feeling of being loved and cared for, and the best label they know of is "best friend." I'm a proud "best friend" of so many of my precious students, and it's just as special every time I hear it.
My students have helped me realize my primary philosophy in life: we all just need some encouragement. I think the world just needs a hug. Life is tough, no matter who you are. A warm smile and some kind words from someone else have such an impact. As a teacher, I try to lead by example. If I can't use "please" and "thank you" myself, how can I expect my students to learn kindness?
Today, I'm feeling luckier than any Irish leprechaun - what makes you lucky?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
War on Weeds
Right now, my hands are tingling with the promise of blisters, my palms seem to be permanently stained by dirt, my shoulders are aching , and my heart is content. I've never considered myself to be much of a gardener. That's best left to my mom, who has a sure-fire green thumb. I have, however, found a good use for my OCD-like tendencies: weed-pulling! This has taken up a good portion of my last two weekends, and I'm now mostly satisfied by the appearance of our yard. It was rather embarassing before we started; it's by no means immaculate now, but it is a marked improvement.
Lately, I've been struggling with this search for an adult identity (anyone else feeling that their 20s are tougher than expected?), and I was really needing a boost to help me regain a sense of competence I suppose I'd taken for granted. I'm slowly but surely realizing that this sense of accomplishment shouldn't come from others' validation, but through my own pride in achieving something. Today, I am proud of the war I have waged upon the treacherous weeds invading our home. No more shall my feet be attacked by the ridiculously belligerent burrs, and no more shall my grass be choked out. Enough is enough.
I suppose there's also a metaphor somewhere in there about pulling out the "weeds" that plague our daily lives. These "weeds" are sure to return, but with perseverance, we can keep fighting the good fight. Eventually, they grow back less and less, but it takes time and patience. I'm going to keep pulling those "weeds" out, and I'm not going to give up. How's that for stubborn persistence?
Lately, I've been struggling with this search for an adult identity (anyone else feeling that their 20s are tougher than expected?), and I was really needing a boost to help me regain a sense of competence I suppose I'd taken for granted. I'm slowly but surely realizing that this sense of accomplishment shouldn't come from others' validation, but through my own pride in achieving something. Today, I am proud of the war I have waged upon the treacherous weeds invading our home. No more shall my feet be attacked by the ridiculously belligerent burrs, and no more shall my grass be choked out. Enough is enough.
I suppose there's also a metaphor somewhere in there about pulling out the "weeds" that plague our daily lives. These "weeds" are sure to return, but with perseverance, we can keep fighting the good fight. Eventually, they grow back less and less, but it takes time and patience. I'm going to keep pulling those "weeds" out, and I'm not going to give up. How's that for stubborn persistence?
Friday, March 11, 2011
Ode to the Little Things
Today, I'm in a mood to be thankful. As far as I know of, there's no turkey or cranberry sauce on my dinner table tonight, but I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to reflect on the little things from today that caught my attention. So, here's my ode to the little things in life:
1. Dried apricots. They are such a simple, tasty snack, and they keep me from getting cranky when I'm sitting in downtown Fort Worth traffic. On that note...
2. People who actually use their blinker to signal they're going to change lanes. When I first began driving nearly seven years ago, I didn't imagine that I would actually come to appreciate something people are supposed to do to stay safe! I'm finding that it seems to be the norm for people to not signal changing lanes, so I'm now pleasantly surprised when people give me a heads-up. Yay defensive driving!
3. The fact that I have the opportunity to be in grad school right now. Many people don't like school and choose not to pursue additional education, and many more would like to but can't afford to because of time, money, family commitments, etc. I'm incredibly lucky to be in a program that I love and learning alongside some wonderful people.
4. The fact that my Mattiekins is coming home for spring break tomorrow! Ever since he was born, we've been inseparable, and people used to think we were twins. It's been years since that's happened, though; I think the 12 inches of height difference gave something away... We've both grown up a lot over the years, and I'd like to think we're better for having each other's company.
5. I have a new favorite quote. For those of you who know about my obsession with word choice and quotes, you may understand the impact this has in brightening my day. "Of course there is no formula for success except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings." - Arthur Rubinstein
Dear friends, I hope you find a little something to be thankful for today :)
1. Dried apricots. They are such a simple, tasty snack, and they keep me from getting cranky when I'm sitting in downtown Fort Worth traffic. On that note...
2. People who actually use their blinker to signal they're going to change lanes. When I first began driving nearly seven years ago, I didn't imagine that I would actually come to appreciate something people are supposed to do to stay safe! I'm finding that it seems to be the norm for people to not signal changing lanes, so I'm now pleasantly surprised when people give me a heads-up. Yay defensive driving!
3. The fact that I have the opportunity to be in grad school right now. Many people don't like school and choose not to pursue additional education, and many more would like to but can't afford to because of time, money, family commitments, etc. I'm incredibly lucky to be in a program that I love and learning alongside some wonderful people.
4. The fact that my Mattiekins is coming home for spring break tomorrow! Ever since he was born, we've been inseparable, and people used to think we were twins. It's been years since that's happened, though; I think the 12 inches of height difference gave something away... We've both grown up a lot over the years, and I'd like to think we're better for having each other's company.
5. I have a new favorite quote. For those of you who know about my obsession with word choice and quotes, you may understand the impact this has in brightening my day. "Of course there is no formula for success except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings." - Arthur Rubinstein
Dear friends, I hope you find a little something to be thankful for today :)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Let It Be
Greetings, blog readers! It has been brought to my attention that I haven't written here in a while. I guess we could think of it like television shows: they have new episodes for a while, then they take a break and show re-runs, and then they come back with new episodes. Consider this a long-awaited new episode :)
The past few weeks have been challenging, and they've prompted me to spend a lot of time in introspection. I spend most of my time driving (the commute to Denton is pretty significant!), reading and writing papers for classes, and taking care of babies at work. I've realized that someday, I'm going to be ecstatic to be a mom. I'm in no hurry to make that happen, though, so for now, I'm perfectly content spoiling my babies with affection at work. I enjoy doing each of these things, and in general, I can't complain too much about life right now. Still, I can't shake this feeling that something is missing.
In reflecting on the Ash Wednesday Mass yesterday, I remembered that Lent is truly my favorite season of the year. Lent is a time to discern what sacrifices we can make for the one who made the ultimate sacrifice for us. It's a time of spiritual preparation, like "spring cleaning" for your heart and mind...and we all know how much I love cleaning. It's a time to figure out who you are, what you want, and how to get to where you want to be. Lent doesn't feel rushed to me, and some may argue it drags on far too long, but I intend to savor each day. For me, Lent isn't something I'm obligated to observe. Rather, I intend to use this gift to its full benefit. Lent is a time to re-center ourselves and figure out how to live our calling.
A few years ago, I decided that I wasn't getting the most out of giving up things for Lent like soda and chocolate, and I decided to focus on either giving up something more meaningful to me or adding something that would truly help me become a more loving child of God. In last week's readings at church, Jesus warned his disciples not to make money a god that we serve; one cannot serve two masters. I realized that money may not be something I put on a pedastal, but I certainly spend an excessive amount of time worrying. I worry about my grades in grad school. I worry about sky-rocketing gas prices, and I worry about saving money for the future. I worry about the children I teach. I worry about my family's functioning, and I worry about how I'm going to get a job someday. I worry about not losing connection with old friends, and I worry that I'm worrying too much. It's exhausting sometimes, and if you can relate to those worries, I empathize with you. Anxiety is such a burden, and it needlessly consumes so much of our energy.
As a Christian, I'm lucky, because I can now say the obligatory phrase that "I just need to learn to trust in God more and put things in His hands." It's so much easier to turn things over to God than to try to take it upon ourselves. Ah, how easy this is to say, and how much more difficult to live. I've said this countless times, and I mean it every time. Still, there's always something that gets in the way. This Lent, I've decided not to let my worries get the best of me. I'm not so unrealistic to think I'm going to be perfectly worry-free by Easter, and I'm not narcissistic enough to think I can do it alone with my own will-power. But I do believe it's possible, and I believe it's part of my purpose in life to learn to manage my own anxiety. This skill will come in handy someday when I'm a therapist, too; so many family issues stem from anxiety management, and I won't expect something of clients that I can't do myself. Until then, I'm going to "let it be."
So. In whatever way you prepare your hearts for Easter or springtime, I hope you give yourself the chance to discover the best in you, who you are meant to be. Maybe if we could all just "let it be" in our times of darkness, we could help each other mend our broken hearts and live a better life. The good life's all around us.
The past few weeks have been challenging, and they've prompted me to spend a lot of time in introspection. I spend most of my time driving (the commute to Denton is pretty significant!), reading and writing papers for classes, and taking care of babies at work. I've realized that someday, I'm going to be ecstatic to be a mom. I'm in no hurry to make that happen, though, so for now, I'm perfectly content spoiling my babies with affection at work. I enjoy doing each of these things, and in general, I can't complain too much about life right now. Still, I can't shake this feeling that something is missing.
In reflecting on the Ash Wednesday Mass yesterday, I remembered that Lent is truly my favorite season of the year. Lent is a time to discern what sacrifices we can make for the one who made the ultimate sacrifice for us. It's a time of spiritual preparation, like "spring cleaning" for your heart and mind...and we all know how much I love cleaning. It's a time to figure out who you are, what you want, and how to get to where you want to be. Lent doesn't feel rushed to me, and some may argue it drags on far too long, but I intend to savor each day. For me, Lent isn't something I'm obligated to observe. Rather, I intend to use this gift to its full benefit. Lent is a time to re-center ourselves and figure out how to live our calling.
A few years ago, I decided that I wasn't getting the most out of giving up things for Lent like soda and chocolate, and I decided to focus on either giving up something more meaningful to me or adding something that would truly help me become a more loving child of God. In last week's readings at church, Jesus warned his disciples not to make money a god that we serve; one cannot serve two masters. I realized that money may not be something I put on a pedastal, but I certainly spend an excessive amount of time worrying. I worry about my grades in grad school. I worry about sky-rocketing gas prices, and I worry about saving money for the future. I worry about the children I teach. I worry about my family's functioning, and I worry about how I'm going to get a job someday. I worry about not losing connection with old friends, and I worry that I'm worrying too much. It's exhausting sometimes, and if you can relate to those worries, I empathize with you. Anxiety is such a burden, and it needlessly consumes so much of our energy.
As a Christian, I'm lucky, because I can now say the obligatory phrase that "I just need to learn to trust in God more and put things in His hands." It's so much easier to turn things over to God than to try to take it upon ourselves. Ah, how easy this is to say, and how much more difficult to live. I've said this countless times, and I mean it every time. Still, there's always something that gets in the way. This Lent, I've decided not to let my worries get the best of me. I'm not so unrealistic to think I'm going to be perfectly worry-free by Easter, and I'm not narcissistic enough to think I can do it alone with my own will-power. But I do believe it's possible, and I believe it's part of my purpose in life to learn to manage my own anxiety. This skill will come in handy someday when I'm a therapist, too; so many family issues stem from anxiety management, and I won't expect something of clients that I can't do myself. Until then, I'm going to "let it be."
So. In whatever way you prepare your hearts for Easter or springtime, I hope you give yourself the chance to discover the best in you, who you are meant to be. Maybe if we could all just "let it be" in our times of darkness, we could help each other mend our broken hearts and live a better life. The good life's all around us.
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